Blank Slate
by Lucky T. Cloud
Summary: As an officer of CP. Malcolm expected to die. If not from rebels then from zombies, headcrabs or even antlions. With the collapse of City 17 though he's been through all three and lived. Now he's in another world completely thanks to the machinations of a blue suited bastard and some guy called The Author. Minor Crossover with Half-Life 2 :BEING REWRITTEN:
1. Prologue

**Hello. So this idea sort of just popped into my head while I was screwing around in gmod with the HDN ragdolls and posing them with some metro cops and combine. Suddenly I had this idea and boom. Here we are. Yeah this is going to be like any other " Guy gets teleported into Gameindustri for some reason " story like the many others in the archive but I just wanted to add something to this collection cause 1. I love to write. I feel absolutely miserable cause I realize how bad I am at it afterwards but I love to write. 2. Because Shia Lebouf told me to do it. One thing to note about this story is that this is not a serious story. Theres gonna be 4** **th** **wall breaks and pervy comedy galore.**

 **Anyway. Super long Authors Note done lets get this show on the road.**

City 17, Several hours after the Citadel exploded…

So this is how I die huh?

Either I get shot by the Combine, Shot by the Rebels, Or eaten by the zombies flooding the streets. Its still the same result. I die. I looked up from where I sat in the hallway of a decrepit apartment building. I stared out the shattered window down the hall.

" This is not how I expected to die… then again. Maybe I should have " I looked down at the smg in my hands. I picked it up off of the corpse of another metro cop. It had a full mag too. Poor bastard wasn't even able to fire it.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to my left. There was another Metro Cop like me standing there with an AR2 hanging loosely from his right.

" Hurry up. Lt. says we're moving somewhere safer. Says this place is too exposed " His voice came out unfiltered and clear. The radio in the mask already disabled so the combine couldn't listen in on us. He readied his rifle as I stood up and began walking down the corridor to where the others were. He followed after me.

Down the hallway it opens up into a lobby area. There were tables repurposed into makeshift stretchers where out wounded lay. Some of the other metro police sat near the corners and on the few chairs littered across the room. The Lt. stood at the center, he was the only real leader we had left and he was doing a damn good job at keeping us alive. But not for long. We weren't going to make it the way we were going. There 15 of us. 3 wounded. Two of us were armed with AR's with next to no ammo and the rest of us had low-charge stunsticks, smg's or pistols. The ammo situation for the aforementioned weapons was still the same. Close to nil.

All in all we were screwed 75 ways to Sunday unless a miracle happened.

I looked around to see that everyone was here. I looked over at the Lt. and coughed into my hand toget his attention. He stopped discussinf whatever it was he was talking about with the two metro cops beside him and looked around. Noticing everybody was here he began.

" Alright. Now that everybody is here I'll get started. Right now where we are we're extremely vulnerable. This building has way too many entrances for us to defend in our current state. So we need to fet moving. That may seem like a bad move but theres news to accompany this. The good news is that now that the fighting has died down theres less of a possibility that were going to get shot " He paused to look around. There were mixed reactions from those present. I let out a dry chuckle. Ignoring that he continued.

" Bad news is that doesn't mean that were alone here. Theres still the zombies to worry ahout and the remaining Combine and Rebel forces too " Earlier one of the others had brought up the option to join forces with the Rebels. It was quickly shot down by the argument that the rebels would probably shoot us on sight anyways. What with how we were basically traitors too. That didn't sit right with me. That didn't sit right with any of us. Some of us had already accepted that fact but those guys signed up of their own volition. Some of us were forced to. Some of us were given no choice in the matter. Not that the rebels cared about that.

" So with that said everybody stay frosty. Keep together and watch the rooftops. Were moving now " He made his way to the door with his rifle raised. Everyone else started moving. Some of them checked their weapons while others moved to pick up the stretchers. I went up to stand with my back to the door beside the Lt. He looked back at me and nodded, his hand on the knob. Then he looked at the other guy using an AR2 as well and nodded. He looked back to confirm that everybody else was ready.

Behind us the others had picked up the stretchers, two people each, and the rest were standing ready to guard them. Then with a third and final nod to them he turned the knob and tentatively peeked his head out the door. He looked left, then to the right. Then he stepped out of the building, waving his gun left and right in a tactical sway. He stopped a few paces away from the door aftermlooking around for a few more seconds. Without looking back he called out as he continued to analyze the surroundings.

" Clear! "

I looked at the guy across from me as he slipped out the door and followed the Lt's example. He motioned for me to follow. I half jogged out and stopped at a crouch beside them, checking the underground road entrance not too far from our right. I decided to ask the Lt something.

" Where exactly are we going sir? " He didn't even look back as he replied.

" To an old resistance safehouse down the block. Its easily defendable and probably still has a decent amount of supplies if we're lucky " I raised an eyebrow behind my mask.

" And how do you know about this safehouse? " He seemed to chuckle from how his shoulders moved. He looked back at me over his shoulder.

" Because I used to live there " Then as quick as he said it he turned back around to continue leading the way down the left. I stayed there for a bit to contemplare what he meant while the others carefully exited the building with the wounded in tow. Was he a former resistance member? Was he one posing as a metro cop? Or am I just overthinking everything? Yeah I should probably get back to the job of watching our- waaaaait a second. Whats that weird, undead shuffling sou- OH HOLY SHITE.

" ZOMBIES! " I pointed my smg behind us as I started firing short bursts at the zombies pourintg out of the tunnel. I'm not even joking or exaggerating here the zombies are literally _pouring_ out the tunnel in _droves_. A few of the others broke off from the main group to give me some supporting fire. Then the ground started shaking. This could only mean one thing.

" ANTLIONS! " one of the others beside me shouted. Just before the ground opened up underneath him and he was pulled under by an antlion. The one beside him reacted by diving for the guys hand. The only thing that accomplished was to give more food for the antlions as another poked its claws out to stab into his hand and drag him under. The Lt started shouting orders from where he stood, the ones carrying the wounded passing by him to bring them to a safer location.

" Fall back! Fall! Back! " We didn't need anymore motivation to do just that. The others just broke into a dead sprint running away. A few others followed my example by taking a slower retreat, shooting back at the antlions coming out of the ground. Thankfully, with the arrival of the antlions the zombies were now preoccupied fighting them as well. That distracted most of them, sure, but there were still the antlions coming out of the holes popping up left and right. At the rate this was going the whole street is going to collapse and cave in on the underground road beneath us.

" Fuck! We need to get out of the street now! " I shouted to the guys by my side. One of them responded by nodding and backing away a lot faster and firing a lot less. Then suddenly a zombie corpse was sent flying from the ground and right at us. We barely managed to avoid getting hit by it while one of the others with me pointed dramatically at the reason behind the flying corpse.

" ANTLION GUARD! FUCKING RUN! " At this point the others had given up and started running away in fear, some of them even dropped their weapons in fear and I was honestly considering joining them. But instead I stood my ground and decided to keep fighting, the wounded still had to get out of here and the least I could do was buy them all some time. I aimed my smg upwards in an arc and fired a grenade from the underbarrel. It landed and exploded right in the middle of a pack of zombies, and right in front of the Guard too. It shook its giant beak in confusion, the blast disorienting it for a moment before it let out a roar that caused several more Antlion Warriors to crawl out of the ground. I picked up another smg by my side and dual weilded them.

" Bring it on you bug-bastards! "

Without hestitation I started firing short bursts from both smg's. The one on my left ran out after a few bursts and I dropped it to hold the other with both hands. The antlions approached, with each one I fell there was always another crawling out of the ground to replace it. The antlion guard hardly flinched as the bullets almost seemed to glance off of its tough skin. I dodged out of the way and to the left when it was close enough to hit me. I barely fired a burst before a warrior tackled me from the side and onto the ground. Seeing how I was handled by the warrior the guard decided to turn its attention to the others. The warrior stabbed a clawed limb into my shoulder and growled at my mask. I grabbed onto its limb and started pulling it out as I placed my boot on its abdomen.

" Get the fuck OFF OF ME! " I kicked it off and onto its back and grabbed for the pistol that lay on the ground beside me. The moment my hand reached the the handle I pulled it back unload the rest of its magazine into the warrior. It exploded into a shower of green blood and insect guts. I hurried back onto my feet while I loaded another magazine into the pistol and holstered it and ran towards where the antlion guard was calling for reinforcements. I grabbed another smg on the ground and a stunstick with my left and right hands. I raised up the stunstick and squeezed the trigger on the smg, charging at the giant bug. It turned to look at me as its minions exploded into showers of more bug guts and green puddles and roared. Then it charged at me. I dodged to the right this time but the antlion guard was smart enough to know that I'd do that so it stopped itself before it went any further and turned towards me. Quickly, I holstered the smg by my side and charged at the guard while I held the stunstick in a two-handed grip. It managed to turn towards me and roar before I jammed the stunstick up into its mouth and kept it there. The guard roared and twitched violently in place causing its legs to buckle and lose its balance, and falling down. The battery ran out before the Guard died so I pulled out my pistol and pu ped the entire magazine into the spot the stunstick was pressed up against, the skin was charred and burned off revealing a softer layer of flesh underneath it.

The pistol clicked in my hand, signaling it had run out of ammo, and I proceeded to just pistol whip the fucker even though it was now clearly dead if the gross green mush pouring out of the hole I made in it was any sign of that. I pulled the stunstick out and stood there beside it, the ground beginning to shake even more now. I looked over to where the others were, they were getting the wounded out thankfully and the antlions were ignoring them. The zombies approached and the antlions turned their attention to me. I could see the Lt shouting something and trying to run at me but the others were holding him back. I raised my right, the hand holding the stunstick, and waved at him before the antlions closed in completely.

Then the ground collapsed underneath me and everything went black when the back of my head hit a loose piece of rubble, knocking me unconscious.

 **You know what I said about this not being a serious story? Well yeah don't worry things get brighter for our dear little Metro Cop from here on out. The usual HDN comedy is gonna come up in chapter 2. Now into the Character Bio!**

 **Name: Malcolm Lee**

 **Race: Genetically Modified Human ( This is canon to Half-Life lore, Civ. Protection are genetically modified humans. They have above average attributes in comparison to regulsr humans. They just suck ass in the game because their npc's and they have no way of countering guerilla warfare, which is a tactic that the rebels use )**

 **Age: 21**

 **Appearance: Just like most Civil Protection, he wears the standard uniform and mask. Underneath that he has Black hair and Black colored eyes. He has a slightly muscular, and stands at about 5'9.**

 **Description: Incredibly socially awkward, he has very little memory of normal social interaction with people thanks to most of his memories prior to his service in Civil Protection being erased. Despite that he is also selfless and kind, willing to risk his life even for complete strangers. He also has an odd liking for candy. Despite how rare the sweets are he seems to have developed a sweet tooth.**


	2. Where is this place?

**Edit: I just realized I uploaded the incomplete version instead of this one. Hopefully this fixes any confusion.**

 **Lucky: Hello!**

 **Malcolm: Where am I? I thought I was falling to my death into a pit of antlions and acid sewage!**

 **Lucky: Your in the authors note now shut up and get into character!**

 **Malcolm: Okay so… I'm in character now… what do I do?**

 **Lucky: Say the disclaimer. That's all I need you to do before I send you back.**

 **Malcolm: What!? I'm not going to say this " disclaimer " thing if you're going to send me back into a pit of acidic sewage by-product that produces gas that eats my face!**

 **Lucky: Okay you know what let me just say this myself then-**

 **Malcolm: NO-**

 **Lucky: I own nothing here except for the story, this text, Malcolm's butt and any of the aforementioned persons belongings. Everything else belongs to their respective owners. Now to send you back into the action.**

 **Malcolm: STO- *Portaled***

' Where am I? '

Great. I was floating in an endless black void now. Oh well. If this is what death was like at least I still had my weapons with- wait what?

" Why do I still have my guns? " I held up my pistol and observed it, turning it and looking it over. Then I pulled up my other hand to look at the stunstick to see that the battery was somehow fully-charged.

"Huh. Strange… "

Then all of a sudden I felt gravity take its hold on me and fell flat on my ass on a rough surface that felt strangely similar to concrete.

" Ow! Crap what the heck!? " I looked around again. Was I just going to go through the whole " Life flashing before my eyes " Thing? Or was I just in the tunnel below and I somehow managed to avoid falling into the sewage below? Wait that wouldn't make any sense. I can see myself but nothing else in this dark endless void. The heck?

" Hello? Can you hear me? " Wait where did that come from? I stood up and readied my smg, holstering the stunstick and pistol in the process.

" Who's there?... Identify yourself! " The voice hummed in a triumphant tone.

" Yes! It worked! Who is this? " the voice called back to me. I paused for a moment to think of a response.

" My name is Malcolm Lee, Former member of the City 17 Civil Protection Force "

" Okay. Malcolm. You are the first person I have ever successfully teleported from a different dimension and into my own! " The voice shouted in triumph. That only made me worry even more.

" The first successful one? Does that mean you've tried this before and failed!? What happened to the ones who didn't make it!? " I said with increasing worry. The voice laughed nervously.

" Well… that's… something to be discussed at a later date. But for now it seems as though you arent exhibiting any anomalous after effects from the teleportation… _yet_ … " The voice whispered the last part but I still heard it. Anomalous effects!? What the hell did it mean by that!?

" But anyway! That aside I would like to ask something of you. I know I am in no place to do that as I probably ripped you from your home while you were in the middle of something important but you have every reason to decline my offer " I didn't even hestitate to respond.

" No. I actually want to thank you… whoever you are for teleporting me. If it werent for you I probably would have died back in my world " The voice sighed in relief.

" That is good. I was worried that I may have interrupted you while you were doing something important. Like. Something of world saving importance " I waved a hand dismissively in the direction of the voice.

" Nah. I was just luring away a bunch of antlions so my comrades could escape. Nothing too special " I responded casually.

" Well. That is still quite brave of you, risking your life for your friends " I looked down in thought at the last part of her sentence. Friends?

" I think they they didn't really think of me as a friend, more along the lines of another meat shield to absorb a few extra bullets if anything " I said dejectedly.

" Nonsense! If you were willing to risk your life to save them then they surely- "

" I only did it out of gratitude to the Lt for saving my ass from the combine… that and there were wounded with them too. I thought ' hey, if I'm going to die then I might as well die doing something useful ' you know? " I had walked forward a few steps, then I stumbled slightly. Man was I that tired? Well. I have been awake for a week straight now. Maybe I just need to sit down for now. While I lowered myself to the ground to rest the voice spoke again.

" Like I said, that doesn't excuse the fact that what you did was still very brave of you. You saved them. That's what matters… right? " I smiled ruefully behind my mask.

" Yeah… I guess so… Hey… what were you going to ask me to do again? " The voice wanted to ask me something before I went WAY off topic back there.

" Oh! Yes. I almost forgot what I was going to ask of you " They cleared their throat before continuing.

" Ahem. Malcolm Lee. I would like to ask you to live here in gameindustri, my world, so I can ' study ' you so to speak " I raised an eyebrow at her offer. " Study "? What was she going to put me in a cage and study me like a wild animal.

" Do not worry. You will be given proper citizenship here in the country I watch over. Planeptune " The voice assured him. Quickly dispersing any worries I had. Then I nodded.

" Okay… Yeah I'll take you up on that offer. But on two conditions " The voice didn't hesitate to reply.

" What are these conditions? " I raised up one finger.

" First. Make that citizenship a permanent one, as much as I'd _love_ to go back to my world I've already paid my dues and returned all of my favors. " The voice hummed in agreement.

" Okay. I'll see to it that you are permanently given citizenship here in Planeptune. What is your other condition? " I raised a second finger.

" Can you introduce yourself? Nothing too fancy, just give your name and title " The voice was confused.

" That's it? My name? Well that can be arranged. My name is Histoire. The tome of the world and Oracle of Planeptune. I apologize for not introducing myself earlier " I nodded. Histoire huh? And tome of the world? Oracle? What did she mean by that?

" I know you probably have many more questions on your mind but I assure you I will answer them in due time. I'm bringing you into Gameindustri now. Don't worry, I've already sent some people to meet you " I looked around, wondering how she was going to bring me into this " Gameindustri ". Then she spoke up again.

" Oh. And please brace yourself… uhm… you aren't perchance afraid of heights are you Malcolm? " What did heights have to do with this?

 **Oh you poor, oblivious little thing. It has everything to do with this.**

" No not really… Wait what was that other male voice!? "

" Well then Malcolm would you please brace yourself? This is going to be a little… extreme "

 **Extreme is a rather big understatement for what your going to do.**

" What are you talking about ' Extreme '? Who is that other male- "Suddenly the ground opened up beneath me. Somehow for a few seconds I hung there, suspended in mid-air in a cartoonish manner.

" -voice " I looked down to see the leafy green treetops on the ground far, FAR below me. I looked back up at where Histoire's voice and the male's voice came from. Giving them a resigned, hopeless look. They couldn't really see it behind my mask but I was making that face.

" Why? " And then, for the third time that day, gravity took its hold on me.

" FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuu- "

" *sigh* Why did you have to make me make him fall out of the sky like that? " Histoire asked the unknown voice.

 **Because comedy, Histy. Comedy.**

" You have a rather twisted sense of humor "

 **I know. You can blame extremely violent video games and anime for that.**

Histoire sighed again. Wondering why she had to be stuck with another author with a sick sense of humor.

 **And that's that! Thus our hero begins his literal descent into Gameindustri!**

 **Malcolm: Why did you make me do a freakin HALO jump into this place!? I don't even have a parachute for gods sake! And why am I here again!?**

 **Get used to it buddy, as the main character its pretty mandatory you be in the authors note every now and then.**

 **Malcolm:** **WHY!?**

 **Comedic purposes. Now to put you back into free fall.**

 **Malcolm: SOMEBODY HE-**

 ***PORTALED, AGAIN***


	3. Just dropping in!

**Hello everybody. Since Malcolm is still in free fall I'm gonna have to do this on my own.**

 **I own nothing here except for the story, Malcolm's posterior, any of the aforementioned person's belongings and all other characters belong to their respective owners.**

 **Also any reviews you, the reader, post will be very much appreciated. Flames and the like will be used to fuel my passion for writing and my love for waifus. Thank you in advance.**

 **BOLD Text =** Author speaking. Not Narrating.

Things were rather nice here in Gameindustri. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. **And kids like you should-**

 **Oh wait, Wrong fandom.** Anyway. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and people were living their days normally. I'd continue to write out the details on how these people lived their lives but that isn't really the main plot of this whole thing. Right now though lets take our attention and bring it to two figures flying over a forest a good distance away from Planeptune. These two are the Goddesses Purple Heart and Black Heart.

They were sent here by the oracle of Planeptune, Histoire, to pick up a " Guest ". Why they would need to fly over a forest for a few hours in order to pick up this " Guest " was a mystery to them but they complied anyway. An angry Histoire was a Naggy Histoire and you didn't want an adorable little fairy lecturing you on being a functional human being would you?

 **Actually, now that I think of it I might need Histoire to do that to me. The lecture I mean. I'm a real lazy bastard a lot of the time.**

Ahem… anyway, personal life problems aside, we now find both goddesses bored out of their minds. They had been flying around and searching the forest for some time now, occasionally fighting the odd monster here and there. And a bored Neptune, even though she was more level-headed in HDD, was still a bad thing to have around. She sighed. Looking up at the heavens to ask.

" Hey author? Can you speed things up? Its getting rather dull here " She asked in an exasperated tone.

 **Sorry Nep but I need to hit at least 1,000 words for this. Its kind of my minimum amount required before uploading.**

" Aww! That's lame! " She said in a rather un-lady like manner. Beside her Goddess Black heart, CPU of Lastation, shook her head in disapproval.

" Seriously Neptune. We've only been here for two and a half hours and your already complaining? That's unfitting behavior for a Goddess! " She crossed her arms as she floated in the air across Neptune, who sighed in response and stood up straighter to look at Black Heart.

" I know. But I just feel like the writer should skip all this pointless filler talk and jump straight to the action! " She accentuated her point by pumping her fist and holding it in front of her chest. Eyes filled with determination. Black Heart felt a comical looking sweat drop appear on her head to emphasize her reaction.

" I will never understand you and your strange 4th wall shenanigans Neptune " Then all of a sudden they felt something odd. Almost like the feeling of the air being displaced somewhere. They floated back to back, slowly rotating around while they scanned the surroundings for the source of that sound.

" What was that? " Black Heart asked quietly. Purple Heart shook her head.

" I don't know, but stay alert. Whatever that was it sounded like something teleporting or being teleported " Then they heard a strange sound coming from somewhere. Almost like someone screaming. They looked around for the source, floating away from each other in an attempt to find the source of this new sound. Then Black Heart looked up. A strange man wearing a white gasmask with glowing blue eyes was headed straight for her and flailing his arms around in a panic. Screaming something at the top of his lungs. Black Heart shouted.

" Above us! "

" -OOKOUTLOOKOUTOHGO- " Before Black Heart could properly react she was hit full force by the strangely dressed man falling from the sky. With a loud grunt from the both of them Black Heart joined the descent of our REAL protagonist. Suddenly, ignoring the fact that Her friend and a stranger were falling possibly to their doom, Purple Heart turned to the Author. An indignant and annoyed look on her face.

" Hey! What was that about him being the real protagonist!? Why is a guy- a really creepy guy in a gasmask the main character this time? "

 **Because I said so. That and because your going to be part of his harem. Canonically, you'd probably end up with Noire but I don't even remotely know how to write yuri. Also. Don't you have more** **important** **things to worry about?**

" Like what? "

 **Oh I don't know. Maybe your LOVE INTEREST AND FELLOW LOVE RIVAL FALLING TO THEIR DOOMS!?**

" OH! Right! You know I could have moved faster if you hadn't continued that discussion "

 **Just go.**

" Alright! Alright… " Purple Heart flew upwards slightly before letting herself fall into a nosedive. Aiming straight for Black Heart and the stranger. Her speed reaching Breakneck limits she pushed herself to the limit to reach the two. She managed to grab onto Black Heart and the stranger with each hand. Then she pulled them upwards with a great heave. Stopping the three of them just inches away from hitting the ground. She sighed in relief, looking up at the sky again.

" Way to make that more dramatic than it needed to be author "

She got no response from the entity in the sky. So she decided to lower herself to the ground and let go of the stranger and Black Heart. Letting them both sit down on the ground to catch their breath. The other CPU was the first to recover, standing up and brushing off dust from her cat suit.

" Even though I wouldn't have been harmed from that fall I thank you for the assistance back there Neptune " Black Heart commented, blushing slightly. Purple heart shrugged and gave her a confident smile.

" It is of no consequence. I was merely doing what you would have done for me if I was in your position " She stated as if it were a commonly known fact. Then they looked to their right to see that the stranger was patting himself all over, as if trying to assure himself that he was alive. Then he reached his mask and clicked a few buttons on the sides of it. Then with a quiet click he took it off and shook his head. The two Goddesses observed the young man as he took in a deep breath and scanned his surroundings with a cautious look. Then, satisfied with the safety of the location he stood up and placed his mask by his side, hanging it from a hoop in his belt. Then he turned to look at the two Goddesses before him. But he didn't really know they were Goddesses… yet.

P.O.V. Switch: Malcolm

I stood up. Thankfully unscathed from that fall thanks to the two ladies standi- I mean… floating? Next to me. I turned towards them and saw that the one with white hair was looking rather peeved. Probably because I hit her during my oh so graceful descent. My first instinct was to run, considering the disturbing amount of killing intent radiating from the aforementioned lady. The second told me to stay and apologize. And hopefully not get decapitated or impaled by those wicked looking weapons they carried. I decided to follow my second instinct for this.

" I'm terribly sorry for that. I didn't really have much control or choice over how I would end up here as Histoire just told me to brace myself before dropping me out into the Lower Orbit of this place " I said as I pointed up at the sky to emphasize. Then the one with purple hair perked up, looking curious.

" Excuse me but did you just say Histoire? Are you perchance the guest that she was speaking off? " Beside her the white haired one huffed, crossing her arms and looking disapprovingly in my direction.

" Well whoever he is he clearly looks like he doesn't know how to properly show respect to those above him " She sounded really pissed. Great. Less than five minutes into this new world and my new life and I've already pissed off someone who seemed to be of pretty high authority.

 **Don't worry. She'll warm up to you soon**.

" I hardly see that being a possibility considering how I smashed, face first, into her cleavage " The white haired one blushed at my comment, further wrapping her arms around her chest in an effort to cover it.

 **You still enjoyed it right? I mean what man DOESN'T like breasts?**

" I can't say no? But- Wait we're getting way off topic here! " The white haired one seemed to agree with me. In the bad way.

" W-what was that about smashing into my cleavage!? Pervert! Rapist! Molester! Masked Creeper! " She shouted at me. An attitude completely different from the one she had before showing as she shouted more insults. I raised my hands defense.

" Well its not like I had much control over my trajectory! I'm not a damn bird nor do I have wings like you two! " I pointed at the wings that were attached to the backs of their… cat suits?

" And why would you even go around wearing that kind of stuff! Where I was from you'd be… arrested… " I looked down.

" Not that that'd really matter considering how everything even slightly resembling law and order has been completely destroyed " Then I shrugged.

" Not that I care but you get my point " The two looked between themselves before the purple one cleared her throat and approached.

" Well… now that that is out of the way, back to my question. Are you the guest that Histoire spoke of? " She asked me hopefully. I nodded.

" Yes, Histoire offered me to stay here in Planeptune in exchange for telling her about everything I know of my old homeworld " Then the purple one sighed and raised her hands into the air.

" Yes! Finally! " Then all of a sudden she was enveloped by a pillar of light and I was blinded foe a second. Then as the light faded and my vision returned I looked to see that in her place was a short looking teenage girl. She had lilac-colored hair in comparison to the other, much more mature looking woman. Then to my left the white haired one did the same thing. In her place was a taller girl with long black hair tied into twin tails by two large blue ribbons. She flipped her hair with a flick of her hand and crossed her arms over her chest. Assuming that these two girls were the same women from before, just in a different form, she seemed to still be pissed off at my actions. Though she was blushing I guess you could chalk it up to embarrassment. The lilac haired one seemed relieved at my answer.

" Finally! We can bring you back to Histy now! Then I can go back to playing video games with Noire " The girl with the twin tails sighed.

" Unfortunately were going to have to walk back now considering how we ran out of energy using our HDD like that. It didn't help that we were fighting monsters to pass the time as well. " The girl with lilac hair shrugged.

" Ah that's fine! We can use this whole walk back to Planeptune and the Basilicom as a good way of getting character development in. And besides, we might as well get to know my future love interest now while Histoire isn't busy grilling him for info " The black haired one was taken aback.

" L-Love interest!? What do you mean by that Neptune? " The girl now identified as Neptune smiled knowingly, a mischievous look in her eyes.

" Because the author said he was going to be my future husband! " She stated haughtily.

 **No. That is not at all what I said Neptune. Now stop trying to hog him to yourself and share him.**

" Aww! But why? "

 **For the sake of laughter and entertainment.**

" Oh alright. If its for the fans then I guess I can share him " Then all of a sudden Neptune jumped to my side and wrapped her arms around my left one without hesitation, hugging it to her chest affectionately. I could already feel my mind go into overdrive as my senses became hypersensitive to the many new sensations I was being assaulted with. The smell of her hair, the feeling of warmth and softness of her arms and something squishy around the part of my arm closest to her chest.

I've never had much contact with females before in my life. Or at least none that I can remember. But you'd expect that I, someone who literally had a chip that was embedded into my brain that was designed to get rid of all of my emotions, would have handled things better. Granted, it was ripped out after we defected and all but you get my point!

" So hot stuff, if you hadn't been following the text above let me introduce myself, the names Neptune! The current Goddess and Central Patron Unit of Planeptune, that's the full meaning of CPU, Oh! But you can call me Neppers or Neppermint or Nep-Nep. Or! You can even call me darling if you want to get the shipping started right away! "

I blushed, surprised by how bold Neptune was being. I put my hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her away and off of my arm.

" Well uh… Thank you for the suggestions but I'll just stick to Neptune for now. " I backed away from her, putting a little distance between us. While it was rude, like I said in the text a couple of lines above this, I wasn't exactly experienced with women when it didn't involve arresting them. I decided to introduce myself too. Unfortunately it seemed like the black haired girl beat me to the punch.

" My name is Noire, Current Goddess and Central Patron unit of Lastation. For now. I'll forgive you for crashing into earlier. N-not like I liked it when you crashed into my chest or anything! I-its just that you had no control over your descent alright!? " She started off good and ended up a blushing mess. I held up my hands in defense but said nothing.

 **Tsuuuuuuun-Deeeeeeeereee!**

Noire seemed to hear the voice too, as she looked up into the sky to shout at it.

" SHUT UP! I'M NOT A TSUNDERE! " I raised an eyebrow in confusion. What the heck was a Tsundere? Maybe I could ask them about it later. For now I might as well introduce myself.

" My name is Malcolm Lee, formerly a Civil Protection officer of City 17. Unfortunately now I'm just an armed man with a creepy gasmask " I said, holding up my gasmask with one hand and my stunstick with the other to show my point. Neptune seemed confused.

" Uh. Where's this ' City 17 ' that you came from and why did it need a police force of guys with those weird rods and guns like that? " Neptune asked in slight worry. I sighed.

" It's probably back in my own dimension, in ruins if anything, and the reason why the police force is armed to the teeth? Four words. Zombies, Antlions and Rebels " The two seemed confused. Probably cause, since this is a different dimension, they haven't heard of antlions before. They might understand why zombies and rebels are involved but probably not the antlions.

" Confused? Well let me explain… "

About half an hour of walking later…

" Ooooohhh! I get it now! But wait why did the combine invade again? " I shrugged.

" I don't really know. Heck not a lot of people really know. There are only theories and rumors going around. Others say that the combine were just looking for new slaves, others say that they needed resources, others even think that the combine are running from something " Noire raised an eyebrow in confusion at my statement.

" Wait. Why would they be running? And from what? " Again, I shrugged.

" Like I said. There are only theories going around. And there's no solid evidence to back them up either " The both of them hummed in response. Not really having any further replies to that.

Well that conversation topic is dead. I spent the last thirty three minutes telling them about the combine, City 17, zombies and antlions. Now we were just walking in silence. Awkward silence.

Think Malcolm! Think! Conversation topics!

…

Aha! I got it!

" So you two said something about being Goddesses? " The two looked back at me to acknowledge that. Noire answered first.

" Yes. I am the Goddess and the CPU of my own Nation. Lastation. " She said proudly, puffing out her chest. Neptune followed up.

" Yeah and I'm the Goddess and CPU of my own nation too. Planeptune if you remember. I basically run the place " She finished her sentence with an arrogant note. Noire looked annoyed at her.

" You say that but all you do is play video games and eat pudding all day while Histoire and Nepgear handle all the work " Neptune looked slightly offended but looking entirely guilty of the claims against her.

" So what? At least I do my share of work when the world needs saving! "

" Yeah but _only_ when the world need saving. Never at any other time " Noire deadpanned. Neptune prepared another retort but I decided to stop this before it devolved into a cat fight. Especially considering how these two girls were able to transform into Goddess at the slightest provocation. I stepped forward to come in between them, which was probably a stupid idea, but I didn't exactly want to pay witness to these two possibly destroying each other.

" Alright girls I'm sorry if I come off as rude and all but I'd rather the both of you don't kill each other. I still need a lot of explanation on how this whole place works " I looked between the two od them. Neptune, seeing me stand between her and Noire, didn't hesitate to launch herself at my arm and hold onto it. Much to my chagrin. Why did she do that? I have no idea. Noire however reacted by blushing and sputtering out an attempt at an apology. That apology died on her tongue before she could get it out as she then took up the task to yell at Neptune about " Being way too forward "and " Being too Bold ".

I sighed. Looks like I wasn't going to get in any kind of proper conversation with the two of them arguing the whole way to Planeptune. Nor was I going to get any more information on this world either.

Planeptune, City Entrance.

The land of Planeptune, the land of purple progress, really lived up to its title. Two For one, everything was… really, really purple. For the other thing, all the technology here was entire Olympic leaps ahead of what we had back on earth. Even after the combine invaded. There were people levitating overhead inside of these floating walkways high above us. That and so many more technological marvels were all around us. It was amazing. My admiration for our surroundings was interrupted by Neptune raising her arms into the air and shouting at the voice, whom she has told me identifies itself as " The Author ".

" Hey! Author! I thought you said that you'd use the walk as some place for character development! What gives!? "

 **Not feeling up to it. Personal life here and school life just giving me way too much flak and I can't think properly right now.**

" Well try to get things straightened out alright? We still need you to write this whole story and all " Neptune added with the slightest hint of concern in her voice.

Slight. Meaning that there wasn't really a lot but it was there.

After that I continued to look around at our surroundings in wonder and awe. Noire noticed this and commented on it as well.

" Yeah. Planeptune's technological advantage is astounding in comparison to the other nations but I guess you could say that its what makes all the nations unique from each other… " She trailed off as she herself looked over the land with a look I couldn't quite read. I decided to continue her train of thought.

" Unique…. You mean that the other nations are a lot different from Planeptune? " Noire nodded.

" Yeah. My Nation. Lastation is a more industrial nation. Leanbox is somewhat normal compared to all of the other nations but Lowee is definitely different from the rest "

" Why's that? " Noire smiled at my question.

" Well I guess you could say that Lowee is a more Kid-friendly, Magic focused kind of place. Sort of like something out of a fairy tale " She said with a gesture of her hand. I nodded in understanding. Well. Not really. Seriously. Magic? MAGIC!? Really? Well I guess that things like that should exist here too. I mean we saw a man wearing an airplane costume around his waist and even a freaking round blue slime blob with a DOG FACE. Oh. Neptune is grabbing my arm again. She's saying something too.

" -lcolm! Hey!? Are you listening? Hello! Gameindustri to Malcolm! " She said as she waved a hand in front of my face. Her other hand was wrapped around my right arm. I sighed.

" Yeah I hear you Gameindustri. Unfortunately a purple haired alien has taken me captive, requesting immediate rescue. ASAP " I joked. Neptune looked peeved and Noire held up a hand to silence her giggles.

" Hey! who are you calling alien? Mister Creepy gasmask guy? " She said, pulling away from me and taking a few steps away to strike a pose I felt would have fit Noire more. Suddenly a pair of voices to our left caught our attention before I could make a retort.

"Nep-Nep! " Said a girl headed towards us. She had almost pinkish hair and was wearing a light-ish brown sweater with disconnected sleeves and a red checkered skirt. Behind her was another girl with long brown hair and a green bow in her hair. She was wearing a jacket that was clearly several sizes too big for her. Neptune seemed to recognize the two as she proceeded to run at them, yelling their names in the process.

" Compa! Iffy! " She then proceeded to glomp the more well endowed girl with pinkish hair. The brown haired girl, assumedly the one named Iffy, gave a nostalgic smile and gently scolded Neptune for the sudden action while the two other old friends spun around in circles. I looked to Noire with a questioning look but she merely shrugged. Despite that she had a similarly nostalgic smile on her face. It seemed like she knew these girls as well.

" Their some old friends of ours who've helped Neptune and I on a lot of our adventures " She kept that smile on her face as she reminisced. Adventures huh? Well I guess you've got to do something with your immortal lives as Goddesses. I guess going on adventures like in a fairy tale is a good hobby to have.

That aside I have to say that Noire looks really, _really_ pretty like that. Standing there with a gentle and kind smile on her lips. Behind her, as if to accentuate her beauty, the plaza's fountain started spraying a beautiful display of waterworks, the sun reflecting off of the water and creating a small rainbow over the fountain. From where I stood it looked like the small rainbow was hanging over her head, the water display and the sunlight only working to make her look even more beautifu-

WAIT WHERE DID THOSE THOUGHTS COME FROM!?

 **Yo…**

Oh… _You…_

I sighed now. Whoever this author was he was trying pretty damn hard to make me fall in love with the Goddess beside me. The said Goddess, unfortunately for me, seems to have noticed me ogling her for awhile there. She blushed, covering her chest with her arms and turning away.

" P-pervert… "

" What!? I didn't do anything! "

" Then why were you staring at me like that!? "

" I was just admiring your beauty! " WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM.

 **MUAHAHAHAHA**

YOU EVIL SON OF A BITCH!

Unfortunately it was too late for me to take back what I said as the effects of it were immediate. Noire's face lit up like a Christmas light, bright red and almost glowing. She was rendered completely unable to respond properly to my outburst. She was just sputtering out a series of " W-wha-wa-Wha!?- Wah-Wha- " and so on and so forth. Is this what these " Tsundere's are like? ". Just one compliment and suddenly they were a stuttering mess?

 **That's only cause it's you complimenting her.**

What does that have to do with anything?

 **EVERYTHING**

I sighed again, this time more in frustration than anything. Oh great, it looks like Neptune and her friends noticed what was happening and were now headed over to talk to is it seemed. Iffy was the first to speak.

" Huh. By the looks of it you're kind of losing out on the race for this guy's affections Nep. Noire's already getting compliments and what do you get? " Neptune just smiled with her eyes closed and leapt at arm, almost crushing it in a hug. Noire was still continuing her sputtering.

" I get free hugs! "

" No you don't "

She didn't even acknowledge what I said as she merely strengthened her grip and looked up at me with the most innocent and adorable look she could muster. Damn you! Damn you and your adorable puppy eyes!

" Fine, free hugs. But only on my arm! And only the right one! " She gave my arm a squeeze and hummed cheerfully in response. The two friends in front of us exchanged looks and turned back to me. The one with the sweater spoke first. I assumed she must be Compa. Noire was still sputtering out her response.

" Hi! My names Compa- "

Thank you amateur detective skills.

" -and I'm one of Nep-Nep's friends! This is Iffy, she's also one of Nep-Nep's friends! " She greeted us cheerfully. I could practically feel the cheer and kindness radiating from her. The girl beside her, Iffy as she's been referred to, sighed before introducing herself too.

" Hey, the name's IF. Iffy is just sort of a nickname these two and a lot of other friends of mine use. And you are? "

" Malcolm Lee. Nice to meet you two. " I raised a hand to shake theirs. Unfortunately it seems as though shaking hands is probably seen as something a little more intimate her than it was back home as the two girls before me looked surprised and were even beginning to blush. Neptune just laughed. Noire was, and possibly will continue to for the rest of the day, still sputtering out her response.

"Oh so your going for the harem route now huh? Well you better have enough stamina to keep up with how many girl's you add to the harem! " Neptune said. What? What was wrong with shaking hands? Was it taboo or something?

" Mr. Malcolm! I-I don't think I'm ready for that kind of relationship just yet! I mean! W-we just met! I- " While Compa went off on her tirade of explaining the possibilities IF, who seemed like the level-headed one of the two, was unfortunately acting the same way. Also, Noire was still sputtering Seriously that girl hasn't even taken a breath and its been like four minutes since I said that!

" He-Hey! It's improper to ask something like that of a lady after you just met them! " Is shaking someone's hand the equivalent of asking for sex here!? Or was it something like a wedding proposal? You! I know you have something to do with this!

 **MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-**

The somewhat crazed, evil laughter continued and Neptune, after hearing it, decided to go along with it and laugh at the hilarity of the situation. While IF continued to call me out on being a scandalous pervert, Compa listed down the pros and cons of going into an intimate relationship with a complete stranger Neptune continued to laugh alongside the snarky bastard of a voice from nowhere, Noire finally managed to get out her response.

" WHAAAAAAAAT!? "

Yup... this is definitely a nice way to spend my new life. _Much,_ much better than getting thrown into a pit of antlions and acidic sewage.

 **Oh God. Fuck my life I hate writing. Not writing this but I had a fucking project for my English class that involved rewriting the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet with a twist. FUCKING CURSE YOU SHAKESPEARE AND YOUR TRAGIC WORKS!**

 **Ahem. That aside no. This story isn't dead. I just don't have much time to upload stuff cause this week for me is final exam week and also the week spent preparing for my schools recital.**

 **AND MY I CANT TAKE THE FUCKING TESTS YET CAUSE I HAVENT FINISHED UP SOME OF MY PROJECTS FUCKING GOD SHIT DAMNIT.**

 **Man. With the amount of cursing I'm doing I'd have probably been thrown out of my school, My** _ **Conservative and Religious**_ **School, A long time ago. Now I just feel like murdering someone. Though I won't, cause I don't want to know what the inside of prison looks like** _ **just**_ **yet. Yet…**

 **Why I added a yet is up to your interpretation but anyways. I hope you enjoyed this and if you didn't then I hope you find something better to read or to do.**

 **Also, thanks for that review Tumis. Yeah. This whole fic just came into existence because, as stated in chapter 1(I think?) I was just screwing around posing Neptunia ragdolls with a metrocop as your standard faceless protag. And yes. Its gonna get more ridiculous.**

 **All that said I wish you all a good night/evening/day/morning/afternoon/noon/whatever else.**

 **Bye.**


	4. SPARKLES!

**Hello! Here we are with another Disclaimer! Malco- Wait, Neptune? Why are you here?**

 **Neptune: Malcolm is kind of occupied right now so I'm here to fill in for him!**

… **Somehow I feel like you just tied him up and locked him inside of a closet just so you can take his place here.**

 **Neptune: What!? No! Of course not! I tied him up so I can use him for my own malicious purposes later too! Not just to take his place here!**

 **Huh. Wait why is there a closet over there and why is it bouncing up and-**

 **Malcolm: *falling out of nearby closet while tied up by chains* HELP ME!**

 **Neptune: Anyways! Time for the disclaimer-**

 **Malcolm: HE DOESN'T OWN JACK SHIT OF HYPERDIMENSIONNEPTUNIAANDHEONLYOWNSTHESTORYANDMENOW. FUCKING. HELP. ME!**

 **Neptune: Hey!**

 **Well now that that's taken care of lets continue on to the story!**

 **Neptune: Darn it! Maybe I should gag him next time… or maybe I should ask Iris for some advice on this..**

 **Malcolm: OH HELL FUCKING NO!**

After that little incident we made our way to the Basilicom. IF and Compa had joined us too, but only after things had calmed down and I had explained that shaking hands back in my world was more of a greeting and less of an intimate proposal for intercourse. Yeah. Gonna have to stop doing that unless I want someone to slap me.

Now we were standing in the main lobby of the basilicom. Suffice to say it was about as amazing as I expected it to be. Along the way the girls had explained to me that the basilicom was something of a government building at the same time as being the home for the Goddesses and their Candidates. Well, all the girls except Noire had explained it to me. She was just completely silent over the course of the walk. No responses aside from quiet okays or humming. She was also constantly glancing at me along the way. She thought that I hadn't noticed until I pointed that out just as we were about to reach the Basilicom, at which point she started sputtering and being " Tsun-Tsun " as Neptune put it. Really. It's almost like these girls have never seen a guy before. What? Did Noire just sort of fall in love with me or something?

 **Oh- you just noticed and realized that?**

…

Are you serious?

 **Yes…**

…

And let me guess… The rest of them are-

 **Yes.**

…

I'm going to get into _even more_ situations like the ones in the last chapter aren't I?

 **Yup.**

Curse you.

 **Love you too!**

I sighed again. Yeah. Definitely crazy. My thoughts were cut off however as suddenly there was a tiny woman with wings that looked like they'd belong to a fairy sitting on a floating book before me. She was waving a tiny hand in front of my face to get my attention and was even calling out my name. Man, I need to stop spacing out so much.

" -lcolm? Malcolm are you there? " Honestly if I were summoned here before I was a Civ. Protect. Officer I'd be freaking out at the tiny fairy before me. But considering how I've fought Vortigaunts, Headcrabs, Zombies and even the combine and their synths I wasn't really disturbed or caught off guard by a tiny fairy lady on a floating book. Granted, yes it was weird but I was used to weird. I've been with Neptune for like half a day now I don't think anything can weird me out now.

 **Haha. That's cute. But don't worry, things will get weirder once the other girls come into play.**

Deciding to ignore the blatant foreshadowing of my possibly miserable future I responded to the tiny fairy before me.

" Yes I hear you ma'am " I responded automatically. She sighed relief.

" Good. I feared that maybe you were suffering from the effects of interdimensional travel " Wait. This lady's voice sounded familiar. Almost li- Wait. Effects of interdimensional travel?

" What do you mean by that? " I was somewhat worried. Was I going to just implode on the spot or something? I know the voice told me-

 **I don't recall telling you anything.**

-I mean the nicer voice you bastard. I'm sure that the voice told me about something like how I wasn't exhibiting any symptoms of something but I just can't for the life of me recall what they had said.

" Oh. Nothing for you to worry about Malcolm. Your perfectly fine and healthy as you are right now. I just looked over the effects of interdimensional travel and found that none of them are really showing on you- "

" Did one of the effects say something about spontaneously imploding? " The surprised look on her face only worried me even more.

" …How did you know that? "

" I-… you know what? I don't know either "

Then beside me Neptune, who was still hanging onto my arm, spoke.

" So Histy! Is he the ' Guest ' that you were talking about? " Histy nodded.

" Yes he is. I also want to apologize for putting you in free fall high over gameindustri, though I believe that the one to blame for this is the omniscient voice up there " She ended her sentence with an accusing finger pointed at the ceiling.

 **Comedy Histy, Comedy.**

" If throwing someone out into the sky and making them fall about three kilometers at nearly terminal velocity is your definition of comedy then I believe that my initial worries for Malcolm's health and safety were correct "

I just sighed. You know what? Screw trying to make sense of this I'm already crazy enough as is from just the crazy shit I've seen in City 17's sewer systems. I mean seriously have you even seen a bullsquid mating before!? Little less the fucking sounds they make! Oh Holy mothers and fathers of all the deities of all the different religions why did you have to create the acid spitting squid faced monstrosities that infest the sewers of the city I was assigned to!?

Oh wait, I spaced out again. And Histy is in my face now. Like, SUPER close up. Seriously I could feel her breath on the bridge of my nose. Wait she was saying something too.

" -colm? Hmm. I suppose that this could be one of the side-effects of interdimensional travel that were under the misc. Unlisted side effects. " I blinked, then I shook my head and wiped a hand over my face to try and clear my head. Histoire floated backwards and stood(hovered?) beside the others. Speaking of which the others were casting worried glances at me. Probably scared that I was going to explode at any given moment. I waved a hand dismissively.

" Sorry about that. I was just sort of going through another internal monologue. God I need to stop doing that " They calmed down somewhat from that. Then Histoire lightly coughed to get everyone's attention.

" Well. Now that all of that is out of the way let me continue on to my original topic I would like to officially welcome you to Gameindustri " Then with a slight struggle she began pulling something out of the book she sat on. It was some paper. Well. Some would be an understatement. It was an ever increasing amount of paper neatly stacking itself up on the floor beside her. She continued to pull out more and more until there was a stack about as tall as IF's waist on the floor. She pulled out one last paper with a tug and a cute grunt, holding it up in the air and shaking it around to try and get the creases out before letting it go to add onto the pile.

" Here are your citizenship papers. I only filled in your name though. You'll have to fill up the rest of the forms yourself " She gestures to the pile of paperwork.

Okay. Firstly, wow that's a lot of paperwork. Second, I think I understand how the office guys back in the department felt whenever they had to file damage reports and the like for the more _explosive_ incidents we've had in the past. I let out another sigh and looked to Histoire.

" Do I at least get a place to stay? " Thankfully she nodded.

" Yes you do. In fact that's part of the reason why there's so much to fill up here. There are papers for residency at a local apartment building that's relatively close-by included in there too " Then IF spoke up, apparently remembering something.

" Really? But the closest apartment to here is the one we live in. Huh. So you're the guy that's gonna be moving into the room down the hall. " Compa let out a cheer.

" Yay! We get to live with Mal-Mal! "

Wait, Mal-Mal? Is that my new nickname? Oh well. At least Compa was the one who gave it to me. If it were someone more condescending and pompous I would have dislocated their jaw and beaten them half-way to death the moment they said that… In no particular order…

Is the chip in my brain really gone? I feel like it left some impressions on my mind.

In response to Compa and IF Histoire nodded.

" Yes. I felt like it would be necessary to have Malcolm live relatively close by and with some reliable people " Neptune seemed upset at that.

" Wait a second Histy. If you wanted him to live nearby why couldn't he just stay here at the basilicom? That way you can get to him instantly! " She finished her sentence by throwing her arms up. Histoire sighed.

" That's because I feel like it'd be detrimental to Malcolm's mental health if you were to be living with him. That and you'd probably shirk your duties as a Goddess and use Malcolm as an excuse for it! " Neptune was sweating profusely now. Noire seemed in agreement with Histoire.

" Yeah. I mean considering how things have been so far I think that Histoire's worries are well founded " Neptune looked to Noire with a betrayed look on her face. Then IF added to the fire as well.

" Yeah Nep. This is for his better sanity okay? I think Histoire needs him to be sane to answer her questions " Another betrayed look. Then Compa added onto it as well.

" Yeah. I know this may sound offensive Nep-Nep but as a nurse-in-training I have to say that its only for Mal-Mal's better sanity for him to not live with you! " Then another betrayed look.

" Et tu! Compa!? " Okay now I decided to intervene.

" Hey relax everybody. It's okay, I'm kind of used to all kinds of insanity by this point in my life. In all honesty Neptune's brand of insanity is a breath of fresh air in comparison to the crazies back home. And I wouldn't really mind living with her either " Neptune blushed at my statement and suddenly started getting quiet, pushing her index fingers together and shifting on the balls of her feet shyly. Does everything I say have this kind of effect on these girls? Seriously, its like they've never taken an honest compliment before! I moved over to pick up the stack of papers and hefted them up into my arms. I turned to look at Histoire.

" So is there anywhere I can sit down to do this or am I just going to have to do this on the floor? " Histoire pointed at the semi-circular desk in the lobby where a receptionist would usually sit.

" You can use that for now. If anyone comes in just call me on the phone underneath the desk. Compa, IF, Neptune and Noire come with me. We can discuss what I wanted the four of you to do somewhere else "As she floated away with the girls in tow she turned around suddenly to address me.

" I apologize if this is sudden Malcolm but I assure you I'm only going to talk with them for a short while. I'll be back soon " I waved a hand dismissively.

" It's alright, It's not like I need someone to watch over me all the time so I think I'll be fine here- wait how do I call you? " She pointed to the phone under the desk.

" There's a button there that directly connects you to me, it even has a label with my name on it " I brought up the phone and she was right. There was a button specifically labeled " Call Histoire " On it. I gave them a thumbs up.

" Alright. Thanks! "

" No problem " And with that they left me to start writing.

 **[ About two hours later ]**

Looking over these papers, now that I've finished signing most of them, I can see that Histoire set me up in a really nice place. Considering how many zeroes were in the pricing of the apartment listed here I can imagine she didn't pull out any stops for this. Which brought me to a different topic. Of I was living in the same apartment building as Compa and IF did that mean that they were this rich as well? Damn. Those girls are loaded. But still, that's pretty nice of Histoire. And now I have an image of Histoire trying to pull up a stop sign and struggling to do so in my head. Cute. But of all things why did that have to come to mind? Ah well. Might as well get back to paperwork. For some reason this was oddly satisfying and relaxing to do.

I was just about to finish up with the last few signatures when the doors to the Basilicom slid open. A girl in a sailor uniform styled dress ran in, panicking and screaming. Another girl followed her, this one had red hair tied up in an R shape and wore a Chinese dress. Then another girl followed in after her. She had dark blue hair with googles on her head and wore a black jumpsuit. She also had a scarf fluttering in the wind.

"AAAHH! HELP MEEEE! "

" COME BACK HERE AND LET ME WIFEY YOU! "

" HALT! STOP RIGHT THERE DEVIANT! " the three of them shouted respectively.

 **And! Begin the fanservice!**

" GOTCHA! " The redhead shouted as lunged at the Neptune look-a-like girl. As the smaller girl tackled her to the ground the she let out a high pitched " Eep! " of surprise.

Which turned into a confused moan of arousal when the redhead started grabbing at the other girls… Do I need to say it?

 **Nope. I think everyone gets the yuri action happening here**

"My, my! Is it me? Or have you grown a little since the last time we met? " she said, accompanying her words with another squeeze.

" K-KYAA!? R-Red! Please let go! Th-there are people watching! " Suddenly she turned to the blue haired girl, or at least attempted to, behind them.

" N-Nisa! Do somethi-Ahaaa~ "

But the blue haired girl could do nothing. Instead, whether it was unconsciously or consciously, she chose to ogle at the antics happening before her. Barely able to form a coherent sentence in response and tripping over her words at the lewd sight before her.

" Nisa! Why!? "

Okay now her skirt was getting hiked up WAY too far. And her shirt is unbuttoning. And her stockings are coming loose. And now her hand was going lo- OKAY THIS NEEDS TO STOP NOW!

 **But the fanservice-**

" SCREW YOUR FANSERVICE THIS IS BORDERLINE RAPE NOW! " suddenly all three of the girls present turned to look at me at my outburst. Apparently this distracted the redhead long enough for the current victim to worm her way out of the offending girls grip. The redhead didn't seem to notice that just yet.

" Hey! Who are you and why did you interrupt my wifey time!? " She asked, almost sounding offended. I palmed my face.

" Lady, if your ' Wifey time ' involves sexually harassing another minor like that then I question why the authorities haven't arrested you for that! " She gave dismissive wave if her hand.

" Oh the police have other thing to worry about, and even then I won't let anybody or anything get in the way of my quest! My quest for wifey's!" she finished her sentence with a pump of her fist in the air. Both me and the blue haired girl gave the wifey obsessed girl. The other girl was standing near the desk now, apparently thinking she was safer with the only person who seemed like the sanest out of everyone here. Then the blue haired girl laid her hand on the redhead, prompting her to turn around and face here.

" Your quest… "

" Huh? "

" Such passion… Although I don't agree with your main objective I have to commend you for being so passionate about it! I can feel your determination burning like a forest fire! You make me proud RED! " She finished her little exclamation with a cheesy grin and a thumbs up. I feel like the only thing missing from this is if she started sparkli- Aaaand she started sparkling… and so did RED… Well at least I'm not bored anymore. Now I'm just thoroughly weirded out.

I turned to look at the other sane person in the room.

" Do you know these two? "

" Hu-Wha? Oh, yeah I do " Responded nervously. There was also another blush on her face. Probably just an after effect of what happened but somehow a part of me thought otherwise.

" Well does this happen often? " I raised a hand and gestured at the sight before us. The two have now gone ahead and announced that they were now " Blood siblings " or something and were now making vows of honor and such.

" I VOW TO FIGHT FOR JUSTICE! "

" AND I VOW TO FIGHT FOR MY WIFEYS ALL AROUND! "

Okay the first one I didn't mind but the second one worried me.

" No, no it does not " the girl beside me subtly started shuffling behind me. I didn't blame her. If this lady got close I'd probably not hesitate to taze her. Of course I'd set the stunstick to its lowest setting, which is the equivalent of getting a minor shock that'd make most people flinch. Then suddenly another door slid open to our right and Histoire floated out, accompanied by the other girls. All of them stopped in the doorway to take a second and try to comprehend what the redhead and bluenette were doing and why the lobby was getting progressively shinier with the ridiculous amounts of sparkles and- wait _is that a mouse?_

" Fufufu… looks like this new product of ours is doing way better than we expected chu! I should report this back to the boss lady chu. " The little thing chuckled to itself confidently before sneakily making its way to the door.

" Is that a mouse? " I said, pointing at him.

Suddenly everyone, sans the two still crazy girls in the middle lf the lobby, turned to look at where I was pointing. There was the mouse thing, almost at the door, holding what looked like a sack in its hands. And if I was seeing right it looked like that sack was leaking-

" Warechu! What are you doing here! " IF was the first to react, pulling out a knife in reflex. Taking that as a sign that something was about to go down I grabbed my smg and leveled it on the mouse known as Warechu. From the tone of IF's voice it sounded like she didn't particularly like this thing.

" W-Waaah! M-m-m-miss IF! Hahaha! Funny seeing you here huh chu? " He said nervously. He had his back to the wall behind him and was slowly inching his way to the door.

" Mister Mouse! So nice to see you again! What are you doing here? " Okay Compa seemed to have a completely opposite reaction to the pest.

" Aah! My Angel! Its so nice to see you again too chu! " He said, this time with hearts in his eyes. Like, seriously his EYES TURNED INTO CARTOON HEARTS AND THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE BEATING TOO. Aaaand there are more hearts floating up behind him. He was also holding the sack in his hands up to his face now, the opening of the sack slightly open and leaking out its contents. If my assumptions are correct and the sparkles are the reason behind Nisa and RED acting like they were, and yes they were still making vows on honor, justice and Wifeys, then Warechu is also probably going to start suffering from its effects in 3… 2… 1-

" Oh Compa! My angel! My beautiful, beautiful- " Okay I'm just going to stop listening RIGHT NOW cause I know that he's probably going to swear something or another to Compa. I turned to look at the others. Compa was gaining an increasingly large blush at the many things that Warechu was spewing and the others continued to be confused.

" Do you guys know that mouse thing, Warechu, personally? " I asked them. Noire nodded.

" Yeah. He used to be a former ASIC member- Wait. Is this Warechu the Hyperdimension or the Ultradimension Warechu? " Hyperdimension? Ultradimension? What do they mean by that!?

Noire put a finger to her chin and analyzed the currently crazy mouse.

" I don't really know. There really isn't anything that you can see that tells the two versions apart " Noire observed. IF nodded.

" Yeah. And the two are almost completely alike in terms of personality too. If their crushes on Compa have anything to say about that " IF continued, ending her sentence with a glare at the mouse. Great, now he's singing his love for- Wait where did that guitar come from? And how is he plucking the strings HE HAS NO FINGERS! HIS HANDS ARE LITERALLY STUMPS.

" Yup. That's the HD Warechu alright " Neptune said nonchalantly, putting her hands behind her head and smiling confidently. That prompted the rest of us to look at her in surprise.

" What? If he were the UD Warechu then he wouldn't have done something like this right? If he were then he would have probably come here on orders from Rei or something, not test out some weird sparkle dust without our permission " Huh. So Neptune is pretty smart despite her clumsy, careless attitude. Noted. The others had a hard time believing this as well.

" *sigh* if only Neptune decided to be smart ALL the time then things wouldn't be as complicated! " IF said, throwing her arms up into the air. Compa nodded in agreement, Neptune's smart observation snapping her out of her flustered daze.

" Yeah. Maybe our adventures wouldn't have been so long and convoluted if she were "

" Oh come on! When did this turn into a bashing fic!? "

 **Sorry. Just deal with it for now cause it'll only last till the end of this chapter. Think of this as karma for kidnapping Malcolm in the Disclaimer.**

" Aw crappers. I knew I should have locked the thing tighter… "

I felt myself involuntarily shudder. Mainly because apparently Neptune kidnapped me once and I don't remember a thing about it. That both worries me and confuses me. How and when did she have the time to kidnap me in between the time it took to get here from the forest?

" Ahem! Everybody? We still have a bit of a situation over here! " The lilac haired girl from earlier shouted, earning everyone's attention.

" Oh! Jr.! I almost didn't see you there. So are you done with those quests you started off earlier? " Neptune ignored the fact that the two girls from earlier were now… okay I'm just going to ignore them now, cause their starting to get a little ridiculous. Warechu wasn't any better as he was half-way through writing up an entire novel dedicated to Compa which was mainly about his undying love for her.

" Uh, yeah I did. But then I when I was walking back home I felt like someone was watching me and then suddenly RED appeared out of nowhere and then Nisa arrived and then- " Histoire seemed to have had enough of the antics happening and decided to end it before it got too ridiculous.

" **ENOUGH** " She shouted, accompanying it with a powerful blast of wind that sent all of the sparkles out of the building, effectively curing the three people who were under its effects. I had to shield my eyes from the blast of wind but it seemed like some of the girls had worse things to worry about.

" K-KYAAA! " Came the collective shout of surprised embarrassment from all the girls present sans Nisa, RED and Histoire.

Against my better I moved my hands away from my face and cracked an eye open. Curious and worried.

And immediately regretted it.

 **Here, have some more fanservice.**

Oh fuck off!

" Oh… oh dear… " Said Histoire, after recovering from her outburst.

" Wh-what!? "

" Huh!? "

" Wow, even more fanservice? Not that I mind but really? "

" MALCOLM STOP STARING AT US YOU CREEPY MASKED PERVERT! "

Let me give you a breakdown. In short.

All the girls clothes, excluding Histoire as she was the reason behind this, were torn. As in almost ALL of their clothes were torn up. They were desperately trying to cover themselves in an attempt to preserve some semblance of decency. Okay, might as well look away now.

" I wasn't staring! " I shouted. Really I wasn't!

" Then why did you have that wild, perverted look in your eyes!? " Noire shouted back in an accusing tone.

" Hey if you really wanted to bump this story up to an M rating then this is probably a good place to do that " Neptune chimed in, probably talking to me or the author. Nobody else seemed to care or notice.

" A-actually Noire I think he looked more surprised than anything " Nepgear said in an attempt to defuse things. Well that's nice of her but really I think she should focus more on covering herself up. I can just about see her- OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH. BEGONE FOREIGN THOUGHTS OF PERVERSE NATURE! BEGONE!

" Hey! I know that your supposed to be the main protagonist and that this is fanservice but that's MY sister your staring at! "

" Sorry! Sorry! Turning around and walking out now! " As I said that I decided to settle with walking out the front doors of the basilicom, opting to maybe stop anyone else from entering the building out of concern for the girls modesty.

The sight that greeted me when I exited the Basilicom though was probably crazier than all the stuff that happened just moments ago. You remember all those sparkles that Histoire blasted out of the building?

" OH NAMELESS FEMALE NPC #29! I LOVE YOU SO! "

" AND I LOVE YOU TOO NAMELESS FEMALE NPC #32! "

" YUUUUURRIIII! AAAAAALL THE YUUUURIIIII! "

" DUDE YOUR HEAD IS ON FIRE!?

" MY HEAD IS ON FIRE!? HABCKBSAKHXJWKSUDH!? "

" MY EEEEEEEEYES!? MY EEEEEEEEEYES! "

" Oh Royal! You look so absolutely _alluring_ today! "

" Why yes Chloe! You look absolutely _ravaging_ as well! "

" COME! LET US PERFORM HARDCORE YURI SCISSORING! "

" OH ROYAL! HOW BOLD OF YOU! "

…

…

…

Maybe I was better off dying in that acid pit…

 **Hello! Sorry about the uploads but I really have trouble setting aside time to write this. That and lots of other things *cough*** _ **Runefactory3**_ ***cough* kind of take away my attention from this. I also pose things and scenes from the story in Gmod with the HDN ragdolls to try and draw some inspiration from it. It works, pretty well actually.**

 **Anyway, Hope you enjoyed reading this and if you didn't well I apologize for that but there isn't much I can do about that. Does anyone what I'm trying to reference in the last few sentences? Ah well. Time will tell.**

 **Also, Raven is best Waifu. That is all.**

 **Bye!**


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